Vulnerability.

I have been blessed with an amazing community. Wives, husbands, children - it’s a whole separate family. The best thing about my community is that honestly none of us would have ever been friends had we not shared our faith. We all live such different lives. We all have such different perspectives. We all have different interests and hobbies.

But we met at church and God made us family. It is one of the greatest blessings I have received.

It’s also one of the greatest blessings I haven’t taken advantage of until recently. And I don’t me to take advantage in a bad way, I mean truly taking advantage of the gift that God has given me in it.

Most of my life I have been a friend that is happy to show up in hard times. The person who’s happy to help, the listening ear, the caring hands the loving hug. And 90% of all of my relationships have fallen short of my expectations or comparison to myself. Because of this, I’ve adopted this independent mindset of, “I will handle it if I can control it, and if I can’t control it, I’ll take it to God.”

This is NOT how Christians are supposed to live.

We are designed for community. From the very beginning, we know man isn’t supposed to be alone, and all the way through to the New Testament we are encouraged to be in fellowship with other Christians. 

So, I’ve been messing up. I have this amazing community that I haven’t truly taken the time to be vulnerable with. 

Andrew‘s job has been a point of stress for us since his accident almost two years ago. There has been PT, lost time, pay cuts, title changes, and a changing routine at home. Lots of stressors have come out it. And it’s something that I have been carrying the weight of on my own. I have been trying to be a supportive wife while hiding my worry and pain, and Andrew has been trying to stay strong without being realistic.

Honestly, I say the right thing, but I don’t mean it. These changes have negatively impacted our whole family dynamic, and they have been weighing me down. So although I’m saying the right thing, I’m not feeling it and my husband knows that. As we fight with worker’s comp, the stress feels like it is getting heavier. We keep praying the same prayers, “We don’t know what to do, we don’t know what to say, & we don’t know the right choice,”and God kept saying you have community. You don’t have to figure it out on your own. You have people that love you that pray for you, that support you, that genuinely are around you because they like you not because of commonalities like workplace or hobbies. Lean on them.

So today, we both got real vulnerable with our friends. I sought advice on how to be a Godly wife in this time and still have hard conversations about career with my husband. & He sought advice on how to better advocate for himself at work and when to know if it’s time to move on.

I was worried about their opinions shifting on me or my husband. Instead, I was met with compassion and advice. Andrew and I had a beautiful conversation around action steps that we can take to make these changes more bearable. We set expectations, and we helped unload some of the stress that we were feeling on those that are praying for us.

Being vulnerable with God and being vulnerable in prayer is hard. BUT being truly vulnerable with the people God has given you as a whole new level. I started this year saying I want to be vulnerable in my prayer life, because God already knows everything. And like God does, He went above and beyond. He taught me that not only are we going to be more vulnerable in our prayer life with Him, we are also going be more vulnerable in our prayers with the community he has given us. This is a new step for us.

It’s a new stepping stone on our way to drawing closer to the cross.

& already, the weight that is lifted, the love that is felt, and the prayers that have been heard have let us know that we are on the right path and that this battle is a tiny little storm before the blessings God is bringing our way.

Be vulnerable.

Be honest.

Be pure.

God knows your heart and he knows what you need. He is a God of provision and part of His provision is the people He surrounds us with. Take advantage of the community you’ve been given & lean on them. 

God’s Love and Mine,

Christina