Speaking Life & Death.
Scripture talks about the power of our words. We know the tongue is a mighty sword. And we know that we have the ability to speak life or death just through our words.
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21
“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 15:4
But what does speaking life or death really mean?
I always took the scripture to say things like don’t take the Lord’s name in vain or don’t curse. And what I thought was the obvious of - Don’t speak mean things or talk rudely. Avoid speech with negativity.
But recently, I had to learn the hard lesson that this scripture goes a little deeper.
I am very sarcastic. My husband and I are both very wry with our sense of humor, so naturally we have attracted similar people in our lives. To us its fun banter.
One of our very best friends was joking with our child just picking on him and giving him a hard time. But what I realized was a joke to us was not a joke to a three-year-old. He didn’t have the cognitive ability to understand it was sarcasm. He didn’t have the cognitive understanding to know it was a joke.
We got in the car and he asked why this friend didn’t like him. Andrew and I were both genuinely shocked. We said, “What do you mean? He loves you, bud!” Cecil repeated a harmless line and Andrew and I immediately said, “Oh he was just teasing and being sarcastic.”
But the problem progressed. We failed to tell our friend about this conversation. To apply scripture to the hurt to see that his little spirit was taking a blow. We failed to see that something we saw as minor was major in his little world.
And since we didn’t tell that friend thinking the problem had been solved … it happened again when we weren’t there to clarify the joke.
Our son retreated. He didn’t have the safety of mom and dad and the friend was just passing by, so he didn’t see the harm to our son. Cecil bit his nails, cried, and then acted out in anger because he simply didn’t understand.
What we realized in this process is simple jokes for adults can be hurtful words to a child. & we can zoom that out to be simple jokes in our circle might be hugely damaging to someone else. Our words carry power. Honestly, it was a learning moment for all of us, and not one of my prouder moments as a parent.
We had to have talks of reassurance with Cecil and a talk with our friend. Our friend was as hurt as us and was prompt to give Cecil love, but wounds take time. Every interaction with that friend was talked about to mom and dad for a month. Little Cecil was looking for loving reassurance and processing new feelings. And mom, dad and our friend were dealing with that hurt while trying to forgive ourselves.
Something that felt harmless was actually speaking death over my child, because he didn’t understand there was love and laughter behind it. The intentions were harmless but the harm was in the context.
What I learned from this moment is speaking death over someone isn’t saying I hope you die. It isn’t saying you don’t deserve to be here. It’s hurting their spirit. It’s giving them a sense of feeling unwelcomed, unloved, unheard, unseen whether it’s intentional or not.
Thank God this was unintentional and quickly caught, but I think about how many times this happens unrecognized.
I think this blog is a call for me to be more aware of my sense of humor and the words that I’m saying to the people around me - not just the people I love and care about … but everyone. And I hope it’s a call to pay attention to your words as well. It is our job as Christians to share God’s love and his life, to speak his goodness in this world that is so dark and broken. If are words aren’t sharing that love and light - regardless of intention - they are working against the kingdom of God.
Make sure you are using your words to give life not take it.
God’s Love and Mine,
Christina
